We didn’t work when we were broken; We work because we healed.
While working in recovery, I would often hear clients and peers talk about being in relationships with someone who was also struggling with addiction. They would suggest that going to the same rehab together would be the best option. That they are both going to get clean and build a life side by side. I will acknowledge, sometimes, it works like that. And, more often than not, it doesn’t. I have seen it so many times; when one person falls, the other usually does too. Without judgement, I would always think of my own story, when I would hear this.
For those that do not know, Joey and I met in active addiction. I always laugh when people ask “How did you guys meet”? We have learned to be creative over the years on what we tell people but, I digress. When we met, we were just two people trying to survive in the darkness that addiction brings.
In the end of 2018, Joey and I happened to both be clean and sober after both completing rehabs and were ordered to the same diversion program. We began to spend time together and eventually, began to date. We were both trying to balance a relationship while staying focused on our recovery and most importantly, trying to build a life out of nothing. When they tell you not to date in early recovery, it is probably for good reason.
The problem was, Joey and I were both struggling with staying clean from heroin. We were stuck in cycles that neither of us could break. And like I had said before, when one of us fell, the other wasn’t far behind. The courts attempted to separate us but, like any addict does best, we wouldn’t listen. Finally, after being arrested again in 2020 and sent to long term treatment, I had to make a decision. Do I stay with the person I love and continue to be exposed to something I am trying to recovery from or, do I walk away and love him from a distance? I chose to leave.
They say, if you love something let it go and if it is meant to be, it will find you. Well, I guess it was meant to be. After years of not speaking, our paths crossed again. Except this time, we were both different. We had both grown, healed and become the versions of ourselves we had always hoped to be. This didn’t happen because we just loved each other enough, it happened because we got healthy first.
That is the part people don’t always talk about. Love is not enough, if both people aren’t doing the work. Sometimes, you have to walk away. Sometimes, you have to love someone from a distance until you’re both able to walk the same path. And I guess, they were right, if it is meant to be, it will be.
Sometimes letting go is not the end of the story. It’s what makes a better one possible. Do the work; the rest will follow. If this story resonates with you or someone you love, share it. These are the conversations we need to have because, recovery doesn’t just change lives, it also changes relationships.
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