I’ve done a lot of scary things in my life. I’ve sat in jails and courtrooms, not knowing what would happen next. I have been forced to start over with nothing. I’ve had no money. No freedom. I’ve had to leave places where I was comfortable, because I knew it wasn’t good for me. I have been scared, many, many times. But somehow, trying to build a Beyond Bars Recovery Foundation, from the ground up, has scared me in a completely different way.
For those of you that do not know, I founded and incorporated Beyond Bars Recovery Foundation in September of 2024. Beyond Bars is a reentry and recovery organization dedicated to supporting individuals transitioning from incarceration and seeking purpose driven recovery. The organization provides structured transitional housing, workforce development opportunities, and community based support systems designed to promote stability, and purpose. Beyond Bars helps to bridge the gap between survival and sustainability by helping individuals not only stay clean, but build meaningful lives, free from addiction and incarceration.
There is this assumption people make when you start something meaningful. They think you must have it all figured out. That you must be clear, confident and certain. I want to tell you all, I do not. There are many days I wake up and think, Who do I think I am to do something like this? Starting Beyond Bars meant putting my name, my story and my passion out into the world in a way that I cannot take back. It means risking failure publicly. It means being rejected and hearing no; more times than I have heard yes, so far. It also means, people watching me to see if I follow through. And if I am being honest, that fear shows up all the time.
I had previously wrote about being scared and doing it anyways. That blog post is also a way of me writing to myself, and the fear that I experience as I move through challenges like never before. What I know for certain is, in my addiction, fear controlled me. It kept me stuck. It kept me choosing what was familiar, even when it was destroying me. And while the fear still shows up everyday, I don’t let it decide anymore.
When I finally for the paperwork back from the IRS, confirming that Beyond Bars Recovery Foundation was officially a nonprofit, I didn’t feel relief. Oddly enough, I was terrified. For so long, Beyond Bars lived safely in my mind; untouched by failure and protected from judgement. But the moment it became official, there was no more hiding behind “someday”. The building had to begin, and has never stopped since.
I have taken my own story, every mistake every lesson and every moment I wish something had existed to help me further and I laid it next to everything I had witnessed in others, during my time working in residential treatment. I remembered the ones who made it and the ones who didn’t and slowly started piecing something together. Not perfectly, or confidently, but intentionally. This model was not built from theory, but rather from lived experience. From knowing firsthand what it feels like to be on both sides of the system. This is exactly what makes this so important and also so scary all at the same time.
Although I am scared to put my ideas out there, to ask for funding, apply for opportunities, pitch to a group of people, tell my story, make mistakes, fail, win, and so much more; I know, at the end of the day, if I waited until I felt completely confident, completely sure, this would never happen. I would never be ready. And maybe that’s the truth that nobody talks about: We are all a little scared and we move forward anyways.
So, a reminder for me, and for you. If you’re out there holding onto something; an idea, a dream or a version of your life that feels just out of reach and it scares you….Good. That might mean it’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.
If you believe in second chances and building something better, I want to hear from you. Beyond Bars Recovery Foundation is in the early stages of building something meaningful for our reentry and recovery community. I am actively seeking community champions, volunteers and voices with lived experience to help guide this work. I am also actively seeking support in raising the funding needed to fund this mission and bring this vision to life.
Previous Blog Posts:
What Jail Taught Me That Real Life Never Could
To Those Who Should Still Be Here: An Open Letter to the Ones We’ve Lost to Addiction
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