There are two versions of me in the photo above.
The Andrea on the left is exhausted, broken and lost. Her eyes are heavy from lack of sleep, connection, purpose and of course, use of substances that were slowly killing her. Her face tells a story she has not found the words to explain yet. This photo was taken after an arrest in 2018, during a time when my life has spiraled far from anything I once imaged for myself. I remember the first time I saw myself fully; it was in the reflection of the cell door in female general in the Carson City Jail. I was 100 pounds, covered in scabs and too weak to comprehend where I was at. It was in that moment that I saw the life I was trying so hard to control collapse in a single moment. Forcing me to confront the truth I had long been avoiding. When I left the jail to go to rehab for the first time, an officer handed me this photo and said “I think you should always remember this”. I have remembered it ever since. While this picture represents some of the lowest points of my life, it also represents something else. Something I could not see at the time. It represents the beginning…
The woman on the right is someone I never believed I would become.
This Andrea is standing on the campus of the University of Nevada, Reno, wearing a cap and gown, proud of the degree she finally finished 10 years later. This Andrea stands with her shoulders back and head high, surrounded by light and goodness; much different than the darkness that loomed before.
The journey from the woman on the left to the woman on the right was not quick, easy or perfect. It was built through small decisions day after day. Failures. Successes. And, a whole lot of resiliency.
But here is the truth that matters most of all…The woman on the right is not better than the woman on the left. She is simply what became possible when the woman on the left decided not to give up. If you had shown me my graduation photo then, I would not have believed it was possible. I could not see a life that included peace, stability, education leadership or purpose. Yet, here we are.
If you are in a season of your life that looks more like the photo on the left, I want you to know something important: your life is not over. The chapter you are in right now might be painful and heavy, but it does not have to be the ending; it is up to you to write the chapters. Sometimes, the version of us that feels the most broken, becomes the foundation for the strongest version of ourselves.
These two photos represent two versions of me, but the truth is, they are part of the same story.
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